Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Perfect Balance

I don't have the body I want.
The Perfect Body

In my mind, my body is inadequate and unfinished. I've thought that since as early as I was self conscious. I always had a perfect image of what I wanted to look like, but alas, I've never achieved it and never will.

However, I'm fine with that. Because many years ago I came to terms with the fact that I'm not willing to sacrifice what it takes to get the body I want.

It was a tough realization at first, but once I embraced it, it was a great weight off my shoulders.

I have struck that delicate balance between what I'm willing to do and how I'm willing to look.

I feel like this is the key to happiness; not having the perfect body, but having the body that suits you perfectly.

I do still strive for that impossible dream, every day. The way I keep myself on track, though, is to hold that ideal in my mind. I don't need to achieve it, but it is there as a guidepost. I can envision myself walking around in that body. The things I would do and wouldn't do are quite clear to me. And I have a pretty good idea about how people would act around me. It's pretty clear.  I can hear it and see it.  It moves and has sound and is in color.
This idealized vision of my fantasy self informs my decisions.

I don't always listen. Sometimes I listen to the long haired, pot bellied, stoner, high-school dropout in my psyche that wants to stay up late and eat junk food watching TV on the sofa. Ah what a life!! Pure comfort.

Because of my desire for that perfect body, I've spent many years trying to shut this dude out (among others vying for attention in this psycho-drama). But it was through communicating with the Comfort guy that I was able to accept that my body's inadequacies are my choosing. Not only that, but it is a sliding scale.  I know that the more I struggle and sacrifice, the closer I can get, and when I want to be fat and lazy, I can do that, too. But I choose somewhere in between and I love it.

In fact, when I want to, I could put in a whole lot of effort and focus and eventually have that body that I dream of. The key is, 'when I want to' bad enough.  And I'm just not that kind of guy. I like my pleasures and I don't like pain or suffering.... and you know what?  My body isn't that bad.
Good Enough For Me

I thought that having the perfect body would make me happy. But it wouldn't. It would be nice to have, but I wouldn't be happy because of all that is required to achieve it. Once I realized that it was the state of 'happy' that I was after and not 'perfect body' it was so much easier to find!

Putting the perfect body in perspective finally made me happy.

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